Tales From The Yellow Brick Road

Big Announcement #2: I Will Not Be Returning To The Master’s College

Okay so maybe I lulled you into a false sense of security when I made my first announcement but to be fair I did warn you a while back.

So yeah, this is a BIG announcement and I am going to do my best to explain the situation while maintaining the privacy I talked about last time.

Here goes…

1. It’s A Matter Of Character

Some time ago, a situation came about where I faced a major crisis that turned into a legal problem. The resolution of that legal problem called my character into question and left me picking up the pieces of my life 19 days after my Mom died. During the legal process I was unable to disclose the situation to TMC and when I could, there was little more than a month left before I was due to be back for SLS Retreat. Because of the timing, TMC felt it was best to exclude me for this school year (2008-2009) and reevaluate things next year.

2. It’s A Matter Of Cost

Even before my exclusion for 2008-2009, going to TMC was going to be a long term financial burden and was already a short-term financial strain. The death of my Mom further complicated things due to the fact that the lost income has put my family in a precarious situation. On top of that, I had to go into a considerable amount of debt due to the legal costs and would have no way to pay that back while going to TMC. The final problem is that there are classes that I’d have to take, in order to graduate in 2010, that are only being offered this year. Because they won’t be offered again until the 2010-2011 school year, and because of my age, finishing at TMC is neither wise nor feasible.

3. It’s A Matter Of Calling

When I first began at TMC, the goal was to learn the necessary tools to become a full-time Creative Arts Pastor and felt called to a career in the Church. However, that is no longer possible. As I faced the legal situation, I quickly started to reevaluate everything in my life and soon began to feel that going into ministry was no longer my calling and in all honesty, was no longer my desire. In addition, the Bible lays out some pretty strict guidelines for those that want to be in leadership in the church and I am confident that I no longer meet those guidelines, nor do I want to pursue them. I did not evaluate myself lightly but merely held my character and spiritual fortitude up to the lens of scripture and was convicted by the Holy Spirit that I was lacking.

——————

All that being said, here are some answers to a few questions I anticipate you may have:

1. Are you excluded from TMC campus or just enrolling in classes?

I am only excluded from attending classes, however I probably won’t be on-campus very much and if I am, it can only be on lower campus. Because I live and work within 40 miles of TMC, there will still be plenty of opportunities for me to see and hang out with the folks from TMC off-campus.

2. Does this mean you are not going to finish your degree?

Before my Mom died, I promised her that I would finish school, even if she wasn’t around for me to do so. At the time I couldn’t imagine facing school without her love and support, and although I still can’t imagine what that is going to be like, I intend to fulfill that promise to her.

3. If you’re going to finish, when will you go back?

Unfortunately, it was too late in the year to apply anywhere else for Fall 2008 so the earliest I’d start would be Spring 2009. However, there is a possibility that I may take a little bit longer to go back, while I figure out what kind of degree to pursue and the best place to pursue it.

4. Are you going to attend a Christian College?

In my opinion there is only one Christian College for me and it’s TMC. Although there are some great schools out there that emphasize Christ and Scripture, there is only one that preaches the Christ I know and teaches the Scripture I read and that is TMC. All that being said, when I go back it will more than likely be at a secular institution. There are many world-renown colleges and universities that offer competitive programs in the arts.

5. What career are you going to pursue now that you’re not going to be a Pastor?

Although my calling has defiantly been changed, I don’t think my gifts and talents have. I am still very interested in using the gifts I have in the arts as a springboard for a career in the arts, but it’s going to take some time to figure all that stuff out. However, no matter what my new major is going to be, I still have some Gen Ed to get out of the way, so I’ll probably start there.

I think that’ll do it for this post. If you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them here on the blog, or email me. I have a few more announcements to make so don’t let down your guard yet.

Here are 10 movies I want to see before the end of the year (in no particular order):

1. Vantage Point
2. 88 Minutes
3. The Dark Night
4. Juno
5. Swing Vote
6. Zodiac
7. Live Free Or Die Hard
8. The Kite Runner
9. There Will Be Blood
10. “12″

Have you seen any of these? If you have, leave a comment and let me know what you thought about them.

Big Announcement #1: This Will No Longer Be An Online Journal About Me

As someone who has been blogging and podcasting for three years it’s really easy to think that because you’ve lasted this long, your blog is the best blog in the world, especially if you don’t read a lot of other blogs. I can honestly say I do read a lot of blogs and I know what a good one looks like and this isn’t one. So here are a few reasons why the blog is changing:

1. Lack Of Regularity And Consistency

When I first started blogging the goal and purpose was to share what was going on in my life and to pass on some funny stories, articles, pictures and videos. When I began reading other blogs they all had regular weekly features like Mind Dumps, Bible Journeys and other recurring themes and so for a while I tried to adopted that style. The only feature that ever really lasted was my TMC Journal but that was less a feature about life as a TMC student and more just an extension of what was going on in my life. That being said, an online journal is cool and all, but you really don’t develop a following or a regular audience unless you’re consistent. I have been consistently inconsistent and as a result I have very few regular readers and more Googlers and Yahooers that are just passing by when a keyword or tag from my blog lands in their search results.

2. A Need To Protect My Privacy

I have been a very honest and open person ever since I became a Christian. I felt that instead of keeping the blessings and failures in my life a secret, I would be someone that was transparent and real with those around me. I believe that part of it was my personality and part of it was a need for attention. Every once in a while I’d go through a “crisis” and strategically point any and every conversation toward my troubles in order to gain sympathy and affection from my friends. As I began to get older and more mature people began confronting me about it and so it decreased less and less to where I simply had a small circle of people who knew “everything” about me and then had the general population that would get and honest answer to any question they asked me for the sake of authenticity. I’m not sure it was a bad idea but when you go through life being an open book and are suddenly faced with a real crisis which can’t be public knowledge you learn very quickly that sometimes there is a need for privacy and protecting the parts of who I am that have no business being shared with mere acquaintances.

3. Disclaimers Are Good Up To A Point

Early on in my bogging experience, I made some comments on a Podcast that got me in trouble. Comments that led a friend of mine to believe that I was talking about them and the organization that we were a part of. I immediately got an irate phone call from them demanding answers and it took me quite a while to explain that the comments were not directed at them or the organization and had to remove the portion of the Podcast where I made the comments. After a few similar incidents, I posted a disclaimer that helped folks understand that my opinions were my own and that they were not the onions of others unless they stated so on the blog. However, I think I missed the point in that initial confrontation. The problem was less about who I was representing, but was more about the fact that my comments were misinterpreted because they were not well thought out or carefully planned. And sometimes, no matter how carefully you word something, there will be those who misinterpret what you say and end up being offended.

4. You Are What You Blog

I have to say when I look back at all the posts for the past three years I have noticed a frightening trend. Since I began blogging 70% of my blogs have been written because I was depressed and the content and the tone reflected that. In other words, this blog is pretty depressing when you go back and look at all the stuff that I’ve written. It has been the most intense the past 1½ years due to my Mom’s cancer and subsequent death but if someone was to come along and read this, without knowing me, they’d probably think I was a pretty depressed and somber guy. For those of you who know me, you know that I have a sense of humor and laugh a lot and joke a lot, but you wouldn’t think that by reading this. If I really wanted this blog to be a place where I share my thoughts and what’s going on, I either did a terrible job, or my life really sucks (it could be both).

——————————

Here is what you can expect in Tales From The Yellow Brick Road 2.0:

1. More Consistency For The Sake Of Consistency

Over the next month or so I’m going to be trying out a few different styles and formats. I’ll warn you in advance it’s going to suck, but I hope that when the right one comes along you’ll email me and speak up. I want to find a genre of blogging and stick with it. Maybe it’ll be an entertainment review blog, maybe it will be a Bible verse blog maybe it will be a Wizard Of Oz trivia blog who knows. All I know is when I find the right format that is appealing to all you regulars, I’ll stick with it.

2. I’m Keeping Stuff On The Down Low

If you want to know what’s going on in my life and want to keep up with all the stuff going on, you’re gonna have to find another way besides this blog. From now on my personal life will be private. I’m not ruling out the possibility of having a journal, but from now on it’s not going to be available for all the world to see. One alternative to this will be my Twitter Feed that I will maintain and keep updated with short snippets of what’s up, but don’t expect any posts about me or my life that are more than 140 characters.

3. I Ain’t Representin’

My disclaimer still stands, but just know that I reserve the right at anytime to give honest assessments of public organizations that I may or may not be involved in and that other people may or may not be involved in. Unless I name someone by name don’t assume that I’m talking about anyone in particular. If I’m going to blog about something that is potentially “misinterpretable,” I’ll clear it through someone else first before I post it. Hopefully, the lack of personal content on my part will also help eliminate some of those misunderstandings.

4. This Blog Is Now Officially On Prozac

From now on my posts will go through an elaborate evaluation for depression related material. Any and all posts that are potentially depressing will go through a rigorous editing and sifting process. All of us know that sometimes the world can be persistent source of discouragement, however there’s no reason for me to make this blog a sob fest that tries to coax certain emotional responses from people. Some of this will be solved due to increased privacy but mostly, it’ll be a conscience decision to choose a less discouraging approach.

Well that’s it for now. More jaw-dropping announcements to come shortly… I figured I’d start with and obvious and easy one.

Sunday

• Coffee Bean with the sister before church near Del Amo Blvd & Hawthorne Blvd #
• Checking out Life Covenant… in Torrance, CA #

Monday

• I am officially annoyed that it takes so freaking long for iTunes to backup my iPhone!!!! #
• A quick Starbucks before work… near Bluebell Ave & Erwin St #

Tuesday

• Back home vegging out after work… #

Wednesday

• Twitter… you rat bastard! You deleted my tweet about the earthquake! It was posted less than 4 minutes after the shaking started… #

Thursday

• Traffic really sucked this morning! #
• Traffic really sucks today! http://twitpic.com/5z3t #

Friday

• Wow… I almost forgot what it looked like outside! in Burbank, CA #
• Watching the co-workers play foose ball while I wait for traffic to clear up in Burbank, CA #

Saturday

• I’m hoping I can get some stuff sold ASAP! #

That’s right folks I’ve got some stuff that I need to sell and I wanted to enlist your help. The following items are for sale on Craigslist and I need your help selling them. If you or someone you know are looking for these items let me know and I will be more than happy to let you/them have a first shot and a somewhat reduced price.

On Sale Now:

1. 2000 Nissan Sentra $2995.00 OBO
2. 2006 Saturn VUE V6 3.5 Liter - $15995.00 OBO
3. 15′ MacBookPro 2.2 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo (including FCP Studio 2)- $2300
4. Canon XL2 Video Camera w/Custom Pelican Hard Case- $3000

As you can tell these are some high priced items and the bottom line is I’m raising funds to purchase a vehicle. And just like I need your help selling, I need your help buying! So here is what I’m looking for:

2005 (1/2) - 2007 Volkswagen Jetta

Must Haves:

• 40K Miles Or Less
• $12,000 - $15,000
• Dark Color
• One owner, rental or lease car with clean title
• Spectacular tires

Wish List:

• Sun Roof
• Upgraded Sound Package
• Good floor mats

If you can help out in any way with anything on this list I would be most greatful!

I just wanted to let you all know that I will be making a few announcements here on the blog over the next few weeks. Most of the announcements have to do with some major changes in my life that will definitely affect this blog, its content as well as it’s purpose and goal. I hope that sentence was vauge enough for you all to check back often over the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I want to take this opportunity now to thank you all for faithfully reading here day after day even when I don’t get around to posting for days at a time. For those of you who are newer, this is a great opportunity for you to bail out now… JUST KIDDING! This is actually a great time for you to get to know me better and to one day in the future say, “I remember when…”

I hope that over the next few weeks during this time of transition that all of you will stick around while things get revamped and retooled for this next stage of my life.

Sunday

• About to see “The Taming of the Shrew” near Los Angeles Cathedral #
• Thought the play was “okay” in a good way… #

Monday

• Getting ready to testify in court… in Compton, CA #
• Lunch with Dad! in Compton, CA #
• Nap time… #
• Laying plans for a great escape near Los Angeles Intl #

Tuesday

• Hanging with the sister! near Starbucks #
• Costco! in Hawthorne, CA #
• Wow… I just did dishes… What’s happening to me? #

Wednesday

• Topping off a sucessful job interview at Olive Garden with Jack in Northridge #
• Starbucks with Andy! in Santa Clarita, CA #

Thursday

• Just finished an interesting and exciting afternoon of car shopping… #

Friday

• Posted on 26 Jul 2008 at 10:44 UTC: http://www.cellspin.net/user/5de7d3deb2/post/10429/ #

Saturday

• Hangin out with Tyler in Santa Clarita, CA #
• Playing a game called Munchkin… Not sure what it’s about… Just know it’s complicated… #
• I hate it when twitter won’t let me delete a post… #

Okay so the new WordPress for iPhone application became available in the App Store today. I am now testing it out.

This is a test to see how long it takes me to type something accurately.

About 44 seconds.

This ends the test of the WordPress for iPhone application.

This was only a test.

Sunday

• Taking a Sabbath… #

Monday

• How is it volunteering if you’ve been court ordered? #
• Mmmmmmmmm… Lunch time! near Steve’s Charburger #
• Holy cow what a mess! near Indymac bank In Torrance #

Tuesday

• Missing Mom a lot tonight… #
• Shopping with the sister! near Artesia Blvd & Western Ave #
• Shaken Ice Tea Lemonade near Starbucks #
• Costco was cool… #
• More Starbucks Please! near Artesia Blvd & Prairie Ave #

Wednesday

• In the lions den near JOF #

Thursday

• Mourning the loss of my trust in church leadership… #
• Tomorrow is going to be a long day… #

Friday

• Trying to relax… near 154th St & Arcturus Ave #

Satruday

• None

Tell me if the following scenario sounds familiar:

Over 100 people are standing outside a bank, hoping they can get their money back. The bank had failed and now people were left wondering if everything they had worked so hard to earn and put away for a “rainy day” would now just be mud. You see the economy had taken a turn for the worse and after the hemorrhaging of the stock market the banks were starting to feel the sting of a recession.

If you think that sounds like the beginning of the Great Depression, you’re right, but it’s also what I witnessed today outside of IndyMac Bank in Torrance, CA.

I was running some errands in the area and decided to drive by the bank and see what their was to see. Needless to say I was shocked.

In Depression-Era style, people had lined up outside of the bank to withdraw their money and figure out what to do with it. “Lois” who retired from Honeywell over a decade ago said that she wasn’t sure if her money was safe somewhere else or not. “It’s a little scary to think that we’re not going to be able to get all of our money and if we get it where can we put it where it’ll be safe?” Most people in line said they’d have to put it in another bank. “Jesse,” a Navy Veteran on disability from asbestos poisoning said he had no choice but to put his money where it would collect little to no interest. “If I ever thought that this was possible I never would have put it all here. But this place offered me a great interest rate when my other bank was bought out two years ago. Now I have to trust that some other bank will keep my money safe.” The accounts offered by IndyMac paid as much as 5% interest to customers that banked with them, although that figure has been lowered for newer accounts as the economy has come to a crawl. Regular banks that offer Savings Accounts with interest usually only offer 2% or less, which is quite a large gap when you have more than $100,000 at stake.

“Bobby” and “Beverly” have a combined total of over the $100,000 that is Federally insured at IndyMac. They had arrived outside of the bank at 7:50am and found that a large line had already formed. It was about 2:00pm when I spoke with Bobby, who was sitting in the shade on the tailgate of his car. “When they opened they told us that they could only take 90 people… my wife and I were number 89.” As we talked, a large and loud security began shouting instructions at the crowd. His demeanor and tone were typical for what customers at the Torrance IndyMac branch had experienced all day. “When we first signed up they offered us coffee and snacks and all kinds of incentives. Now we’re standing out here in the heat and they’re yelling at us and won’t even give us some water,” Bobby explained. Earlier in the day some employees from Trader Joe’s across the parking lot from IndyMac brought over full carts of free water bottles to the anxious crowd, most of whom are 50 or older. Some employees from CitiBank also dropped by with juice boxes and fliers from their bank. One lady, who had been standing on her feet since 9am, needed two juice boxes and a helping had from Arturo, an employee at CitiBank. “We’re just here to help people get through this difficult time.” I asked him if felt that people would have a hard time trusting banks after today and he smiled, “That’s another reason we’re out here. We want to let folks know that not all banks have gone bad.”

However, at the front of the line, “Stan,” “Teresa,” “Deb,” and “Mia,” all had a different point of view. All four of them had been waiting since before 9am and all of them had disabilities that did not allow them to stand for long periods of time. “My parents did this 80 years ago,” said Stan, who had been offered a seat in someone’s yard chair due to his need for a walker. “They had to live through the banks going under back then and I’d never thought it’d happen again.” Deb, who was in a wheelchair and needs oxygen said that her money isn’t used for expensive trips or luxuries. “I use my money to survive. I’m a sick woman and even with health insurance I still have medical bills that are hundreds of dollars. The interest is how I pay those bills.” Now Deb faces the uncertainty of placing her money in another bank with high interest, hoping that they too will not fail. “Not only are they making us wait around, but we don’t even know if we’re going to get our money. You have to stand in line just to talk to someone.” Mia, who walks with a cane, said that she had no intention of putting her money in another bank. “I’ll just have to hold on to it and figure out what to do with it later. But at least I’ll know where it’s at and that if I need it I can get to it.” All four of them had waited over 3 hours before an official from the bank pulled them aside to let them wait in the shade. “We still might not get in today, no one has told us anything for hours,” said Deb.

At the back of the line, most people had only been there for an hour or so. “Linda,” said she wasn’t really nervous, but was hoping to get in today. “I have a lot of questions and I wanted to speak to someone in person.” When asked if she knew that the line she was in was to make an appointment for tomorrow, her expression changed. “So I have to stand in line today, in order to stand in line again tomorrow?” She asked. Anthony, a gentlemen in front of her replied, “Yeah, that’s how you can tell that the Government took over this operation. You have to wait in line, just so you can wait again.” The FDIC took over IndyMac on Friday and over the weekend it’s customers had a lot of time on their hands to worry about their futures. “It’s not like we didn’t see this coming,” Anthony added. “I’m going to three other banks today and putting it all in larger banks. I’m done with the smaller banks.” When asked what attracted him to the smaller bank in the first place he responded, “With a bigger bank comes less return and more bureaucracy. But if I’m gonna have to worry about the same thing at a smaller bank, why bother? I’m safer at a big bank.”

Time will tell if money is safer at the bigger banks or if this is just the beginning of a long line of bank failures.

Sunday

• None

Monday

• None

Tuesday

• Running errands with my sister… #
• Working on an e-commerce site… #
• Reflecting on Psalm 34… #
• Had some great Turkey Tacos… #

Wednesday

• Meetings meetings meetings… #
• Hunting for food… #

Thursday

• Hanging out with Tyler… #

Friday

• Hanging with Ryan… #
• In the mall with Tyler and Leanne… I am SOO the third wheel! #
• We survived the mall… Barely… #

Satruday

• Just got back from a quick trip out of town… had a good visit with friends and a prof… now I will cautiously upgrade to iPhone 2.0… #
• Wow! I’m loving the apps in the app store! #
• Okay… Loopt is cool but who’s using it? #
• Off to get some CBTL!!! #
• Getting my CBTL!!! near Del Amo Blvd & Hawthorne Blvd #
• Car wash! near Artesia Blvd & Rindge Ln #
• A little tired and lonely #
• Frasier is keeping me company… #
• Guarding the fort… near Ainsworth St & Alondra Blvd #

Here’s passage I’m reflecting on in light of all the events of the past month…

Psalm 34

1I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
3Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
4I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

11 Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
20He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
21 Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
22The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
-(ESV)

Sunday

• Feeling like a short road trip… #

Monday

• Heading over to Fuse… #

Tuesday - Saturday

• None

Right now I am having a hard time trusting God with my life here on earth. You see for the past 8 months my faith has been on what could best be described as a roller coaster with no seat belts. I have been facing trials and hardships so evil that you’d think Stephen King had been involved in developing plot. People who claim to be Christians have relentlessly pursued my destruction and I am left wondering how I can pick up my Bible and read about a God that is good, and yet face so much bad.

For those that are thinking right now, “Well Cliff you have to realize it’s all because of the fall in Genesis 3,” I’d like to remind you that I do believe that God created the earth and it’s inhabitants in 7 days and that He created everything good, and that eventually mankind screwed up and we now live in a fallen world as a result. I know that and I believe it, but while you’re patting yourself on the back for remembering the correct Sunday School answer, don’t forget about Verse 15 of Genesis Chapter 3.

“15I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel.”
-Genesis 3:15 (ESV)

You should also remember from Sunday School, that Verse 15 promises the coming of Jesus who brings hope for eternal life. So let’s not make all of Genesis 3 the “scapegoat” for evil in the world. Genesis 3:15 is a glimmer of hope in the midst of the greatest disaster in human history.

And so here I am in the midst of the greatest disaster in my own history and I’m having a hard time finding that glimmer of hope. You see several years ago me and a few of my Christian friends in Florida had a running “joke” about what life was like at the end if a particularly hard day. We use to say, “Well… at least I still have my salvation.” Although it was a joke at the time, nothing that I or those other friends of mine had been through really put that statement to the test. That is until recently in my life.

Another friend of mine made a shocking and sobering statement to me last night. We were discussing my current trial and he reminded me of Romans 8:28.

28And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28 (ESV)

He then asked me if there was a time limit on that verse…

to which I responded no…

and then I realized the cold hard truth…

God promises that if I love Him and am called according to His purpose that all things will work together for my good…

but God can do so whenever He wants to…

meaning that God doesn’t have to work things together for good while I’m here on this earth…

And so in the midst of the firestorm that I have been facing, and the trial that I am about to face, I’m left with nothing but a handful of promises in Scripture that don’t have to be fulfilled until heaven. And I’m left thinking to myself, “Well… at least I still have my salvation…” but is that enough? Do I have enough faith to trust God to make all the injustices, loss and pain here on earth worthwhile when I get to heaven?

You see I am greatful my friend also graciously pointed out that perhaps the glimmer of hope in all of this is that I have an eternity with Jesus to look foward to. Sure it’ll be great to be reunited with my Mom and my other friends and family that are enjoying God’s presence, but my problem in all of this is has been that I haven’t longed for heaven enough. I’ve been too consumed and wrapped up with my “best life now” to realize that the best is yet to come.

So pray that I’ll repent of my unbelief and be more content about living the next life, rather than being consumed with my desire for fulfillment in this life.

If you have any comments, questions of cries of outrage feel free to respond… I’m looking for more guidance and encouragement from Godly people such as yourselves.

Sunday

• Enjoying all of Mom’s favorite hymns at church this morning… #
• Enjoying the company of Marcus… #

Monday

• None

Tuesday

• None

Wednesday

• Resting up… #

Thursday

• None

Friday

• Saying our final goodbyes to Mom in Riverside… #

Saturday

• Watching Frasier and winding down after a long week… #